This has to have been one of the most frustrating software problems in my life. I’m a huge music fan. Used to be an Alternative Rock disc jockey and over a 16 year period, purchased 4000 songs on iTunes. One day I went to burn a CD and discovered half my songs were gone. How do I get Apple’s attention?
Let me know if this has ever happened to you. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zse7eRPIblU
If you have been following this blog for a while you might think I’m married to a life of battle against the ‘powers that be.’ Back when I was on Tumblr I posted a lot about my lighter side, jewelry making, pilates, and gourmet cooking, one of my passions. We have this store in town called Penn Dutch. They have the best, most highly trafficked (this makes for fresher fish because it’s always being replaced by new hauls) fish counter I’ve ever seen. Yesterday they had 9 Oz LobsterTails from South America, not Australia. They carry a Brazilian fish called Branzino that I’ve never heard of.
Yesterday I bought a fish native to here, South Florida, called Pompano. (pictured) it’s only 6.99 a pound, you purchase the whole fish and get two 6oz filets out of it. They filet it for you. What I do is buy coconut milk, fresh mint, and chili paste. I add more splenda to the mixture and heat it up. Then I put dissolved cornstarch in it and pour it over the fish and put it in the oven. I make steamed vegetables and rice, and the extra coconut milk sauce goes good over both. Mike my husband really likes this.
I had to stand at a fish counter with a number tag in my hand for 1/2 hour as this store is crowded. But that’s what makes the fish counter so fresh. Nothing sits there very long.
I didn’t want to be one of the many David Bowie Fans rushing to grab the stage for themselves. His death really affected me. I’m so sad he’s gone but he made art out of pain until the very end. I adored his ‘plastic’ soul phase of the “Young Americans” album…it was the first David Bowie album I bought. Then I got into his lead guitarit “Mick Ronson” and loved his solo song, “The Empty Bed.” You can’t find it anymore. David wrote songs for acts in the Underground and helped them break through. Good examples of this are his collaborative work with Lou Reed, Brian Eno, and Iggy Pop. He was generous that way. He felt there was room for everyone.
I always considered myself an outsider. The music of David Bowie in the 70’s, along with Pink Floyd, Led Zepplin, Foghat, The Eagles and other groups in the 70’s, normalized my experience of myself. I was and forever will be grateful to them. It encouraged the artist in me.
However, due to my BFF and the passing of Scott Weiland from STP and David Bowie, I’m re examining the theme of my blog.
Rebel. Hmmmmm. Rebel against what, exactly? And what in the heck is positive about that?
Questioning and raging against the status quo is what has fueled popular and underground music (my favorite) since the 50’s. Beginning with Elvis, The Beatles, Going into Led Zepplin, Nirvana, Bowie, Billy Idol and even the softer sounds of Duran Duran.
My personal opinion is that artists have an uncanny ability to take pain and give it purpose in their art, connecting to others who feel similarly….or feel at all, and find meaning in it.
But I’m re examining useless rebellion, that’s all. I’m for change but think twitter hashtag campaigns only speak to the choir and protests outside the gates of pharmaceutical companies only make us look more crazy.
I’ve written letters to senators and am looking for an online Civics course to see how our government really works when it comes to affecting Change and checks and balances.
My regular alternative podcast is not streaming properly. So I am trying out a KROQ2 Online Station to write with. I always here something I used to really relate to, something that kept me alive when my meds stopped working.
Try this:
There are flies on the windscreen.
There are lambs for the slaughter.
Death is everywhere,
There are flies on the windscreen, for a start
reminding us…
That we could torn apart
tonight.
Come here, Kiss Me, Now….
Death is everywere.
The more I look
the more I feel a sense of urgency.
Tonite.
Come here, kiss me now.
Come here, kiss me, now.
Lyrics from Depeche Mode’s “Fly on the Windscreen,” a real gloom and doomer.
Now it’s Billy Idol.
“Flies on The Windscreen” a secondary single…played on radio here and there.
“Thelonious My old friend, come on in and let me shake your hand.
So glad that you’re here again, for one more time, let your madness run with mine.”
Midnight Cruiser from “Can’t buy a thrill.”
These guys were so good when they were using drugs and drinking. Then they got clean and all the pathos went away.
Having gone through a bunch of long and short depressive episodes, I got into a terribly self focused habit of waking up and immediately ‘taking my mood temperature’ to see what kind of day I’d have. Rather than think about what I want to get accomplished or who I’d like to lend a hand to, I think about myself. I mean, I think it’s helpful in a way, but it can also lead to spiraling downward, wasting time and diffusing focus on life itself.
I’ve had more than my share of depressions in the last three years. So I got in the habit of living in fear of the next one. But I’ve learned that it’s equally important to be aware of manias because they lead to depressions also.
I’ve also been identifying triggers and they are so many. So many, in fact, that life is a virtual landmine. How to I turn triggers inside out so I see the upside, the growth opportunity for them:?
Partial list:
Too many doctor’s appointments
a critical conversation with my dad that feels like judgement
Family not understanding bipolar or believing it’s a real disease
Weight Gain
Food itself
Not writing enough
Computer malfunctions and forgetting to save my work
Not enough exercise
Having learning difficulties on software programs
Clothes not fitting
Being too busy
Not reading enough
As you can see, if I take these and twist them around it would make for a lot of growth, self forgivement and acceptance. Hey, maybe I might be able to focus on others for a change!
I want to write a book that chronicles some of the more informational, colorful, and courageous aspects of my 25 year illness. I want people to hold it in their hands and feel less alone, less odd, less..well, hopeless. The book might take five years to write. And I’ve got to buckle down and get practical. It’s not about the money. It’s about being findable, accessible to those who need to hear a message of hope about Tardive Dyskinesia, mood swings, finding a good doctor and all that stuff that comes with this.
It’s about people being able to relate or even think…”wow, that bitch is nuttier than I ever was! Maybe there is hope for me after all.” Of course it gets complicated with the Eating Disorder that has been a big player in the whole game. A lot of folks can’t relate to that.
But the eating disorder deserves its own book, really. We’ve all had different journeys. I read an article about a young woman in the New York Times Magazine who had been on lithium for 20 years. Her big quote besides the lithium lakes in Bolivia was “I don’t believe in God, But I believe in Lithium.” But lithium is causing her kidneys to underfunction by 50%, and if she doesn’t switch soon to Depakote, (and hope that the switch works for her) she will be on a transplant list for a kidney in a few years. I sort of dodged that bullet, since my psoriasis is totally inflamed by lithium to where I look like a Leper. So eventually I got antipsychotics, came down with tardive dyskinesia…so which bullet did I dodge after all? It all looks like tradeoffs to me, when you get down to it.
theradioactivepatient 